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"Just because some of us can read and write and do a little math, that doesn't mean we deserve to conquer the Universe."
"Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion. I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterward."
"One of the few good things about modern times: If you die horribly on television, you will not have died in vain. You will have entertained us."